Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Trying again.....

For those of you who would like to know the full story you can go here.

We were on our second month of taking clomid this past month.  I thought for sure this was the month.  I just had that feeling that everything was going to go as planned. I had passed the days I thought I was supposed to ovulate and Jason went out of town for a few days.  I woke up one night with the worst pain, to the point I couldn't go back to sleep.  I thought my ovaries were going to fall out of me.

Two weeks had passed and it was time to start.  I didn't.  For some reason I honestly wasn't even excited at the thought of being pregnant.  For some reason I got this huge feeling of guilt for having another baby and taking time away from Bailey.  I have wanted to be pregnant again for so long and thought I could possibly be pregnant and didn't even want to be anymore. 

We waited about 3 days and I still hadn't started.  Jason went and bought a pregnancy test.  I took it right away and it was negative.  Then I got another huge feeling of sadness for not being pregnant.  I swear I have the mood swings of pregnancy without being pregnant.  So once again I am dissappointed for not being pregnant.  After thinking back I guess I had just ovulated later than I had expected or was supposed to.  I have always ovulated right on time.

I am now taking clomid again for the 3rd month.  We have an appointment in about a week to discuss things with my doctor.  I desperately want to do something more than taking clomid to help, but insurance doesn't cover much and we can not afford to put the money into it right now and then pay for the doctor bills for being pregnant and having a second child.  The thing that scares me the most is I can only take clomid for 6 months.  I am not sure if there is another pill they can give me or we are just out of luck.  I hate researching it becauase I feel that its always going to happen this month. 

I will update you later when we go to the doctors appointment.  Once again for those of you I talk to in person I apologize for not telling you.  For some reason it is one of the hardest things for me to talk about it. It is easier for some reason for me to just type it and then not talk about it.  If you know me I want what I want when I want it.  This is one thing that is completely out of my control for the most part of when it is going to happen.

5 comments:

Trish said...

I can't imagine what you are going through right now. A friend of mine is going through the same thing right now and is going in for IVF in 4 weeks (and you are right, it is going to be very costly)

Just put it in the Lords hands. I know it won't be easy but he tells us not worry once we have cast all our burdens on Him.

I will keep you in my prayers!
{{{many hugs}}}

Shelly said...

I'm so sorry; I can't imagine how painful this must be for you. I pray that God will give you peace as you try again this month. Hugs!

Dodd Diaries said...

HUGS!!_

Have your doc prescribe Femara. It is often covered by insurance because it is actually a drug used for another reason. I had must better luck on Femara. If you or your husband have access to a FSA account for health care, fertility treatments are a covered expense. You can at least get the tax sheltering. Also, a great place for support and learning is one of my fave websites. I have used it for almost 5 years.

www.fertilityfriend.com

Mrs. Vincent said...

Hey, chica! I'm proud of you for posting, even if it's hard to talk to people about in person, it's seems healthy to me to be able to at least express what you are feeling on your blog. I'm still thinking about you. Stay positive! :)

Vanessa said...

Keeping you in my prayers honey!! <3