Up and down......

I feel like all I get done blogging about is our journey to get pregnant.  But that seems to be the only thing on my mind recently.  It's been a roller coaster of emotions the past few days.  It started Monday when we went to see the Dr for a checkup for being on clomid for 3 months.  I saw my actual Dr. instead of the PA which always makes me feel better.  The appoinment went really well and I was very confident after talking to her.  She reccomended coming in Wednesday (today) for an ultrasound to measure my follicle size.  If everything looked good we were going to take an HCG trigger shot and then have an IUI done.  The trigger shot makes you ovulate 24-48 hours after taking it.  So, that meant that we were for sure going to ovulate and actually know a pretty good time frame.  I am really bad with trying to use the right medical terms for things so here is the definition of an IUI :
IUI stands for intrauterine insemination. Also known as artificial insemination (AI), IUI fertility treatment involves placing specially washed sperm directly into the woman’s uterus through a small tube. The procedure is low tech and completed in the doctor’s office by either a nurse or doctor.

So this was the plan:  Get the ultrasound, take the shot, go back for the procedure, and then hope it worked.  It wasn't a cheap plan either.  Our insurance doesn't cover any of the procedures so it was all "out of pocket" for a chance (not guaranteed to work) to get pregnant.  I had so many emotions in those two days of whether or not to actually do it, but deep down I really wanted to.

Fast forward to today.  We went in for an ultrasound hoping everything was alright.  Well the ultrasound tech measured everything and made us think that my follicles were fine.  We waited to talk to the doc and she was out so we saw the PA.   She told us that my follicles were just a little too big to do the IUI.  From what she explained is the follicles are what turn into the egg.  There is still a chance to get pregnant, but the chance to get pregnant is slim because the follicle is big.  Pretty much it wasn't worth putting the money into an IUI when there was a good chance it wasn't going to work.

She suggested coming back next month and having another ultrasound done to check my follicle size and then if its the right size we can do an IUI. We are still up in the air about where to go from here.  Just to have the ultrasound done today was approximately $200.  So there's another chance we could put $200 dollars into an ultrasound and be told its the wrong size.  If it is the right size we could have the IUI done and that will be approximately another $400 on top of everything else.  We really can't afford to put that kind of money out there for a "chance" at things that are not a for sure thing.  We are throwing all options around right now, even to stop trying and just have one baby.

Sorry if this is all over the place, it is just so hard to explain when I am still so confused on so many things myself.