Wednesday, May 11, 2011

For all wondering minds!  This is whats going on right now in our lives.  I really don't like to talk about, I don't like to explain it, I am mad, I am sad, I don't understand why, I am over it!!!!

  • We had an HSG dye test done April 11 to check my tubes and make sure I had no blockages that was causing us to not get pregnant.  Everything looked fine.  They said I was more fertile after "cleaning everything out"
  • Jason went to China for two weeks, but not before I ovulated.
  • I started cramping about a week before I was supposed to start, which I always do. Figured I wasn't preggo. Never thought anything about.
  • I was supposed to start my period Thursday.  Had big plans hoping I was pregnant and buying a "Big Sister" shirt and taking balloons to airport to surprise Daddy that we were pregnant.
  • Wednesday morning I was changing one of the little girls diapers I babysit and the smelled made me so sick I threw up in my mouth and and to run to bathroom.  I thought hmmm maybe I am pregnant because the smell of something made me so sick. Took a test it was negative. Got on with my week not surprised I wasn't pregnant.
  • Jason comes up Saturday and I still hadn't started but my period.  We go to breakfast on Sunday for his bday and on the way home I say "Should I buy another test?"  He said he will run back out later and get one.
  • Later that afternoon he runs out and gets a test and I take it we stand there waiting for it to be negative and hes reading to see what exactly  a positive looks like and bamm there ya go!!! I handed it to him and said Happy Birthday!!  IT WAS POSITIVE!!
  • We were in shock to say the least!  I had never been so excited about my boobs hurting and my stomach cramping!
  • Monday I went to doctor for blood test to confirm the two test I took at home.  We went out that evening and I started getting so tired and was falling asleep in the car. I went to bed at 8 that night!  Once again, never been so happy to be so tired just because I knew it was because I was pregnant. 
  • Tuesday- got the call from doctor confirming I was pregnant, but levels were really low and they put me on progesterone pills.  She also told me there was a chance of miscarriage. 
  • Went back for another count of Wednesday and my HCG levels went from a 52 to a 53.  They are supposed to double every other day.  They knew I was going to miscarry after that.  It was nothing they could or done or nothing I could have done.  It just wasn't mean to be.
  • I started miscarrying Thursday night.  
  • Now we are right where we started...only child! :(
  • When we say we don't want to talk about it....we don't want to talk about. Maybe we will....maybe we wont, but until then it's something that we can't bring ourselves to talk about with others.

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